But then in the midsts of all this happiness, lied the biggest incedent in all of my life...
I can clearly remember walking out of math after this hellish daily thrashing of me by all of the sub-human homophobics, thinking of exactly what the hell I would do in this life. Blech.
And then this girl walked up to me; somebody who struck me as their very own person as if not one of anybody else's bandwagons or social games; a person by the greatest means. She gave me a note and said "If I tell you something do you promise not to tell?" I just thought "what the hey, it's probably some person trying to use me as some drone messenger."
But it was kinda for me :-P
Hey,
How are you? I'm fine. If I tell you something do you promise not to tell? Are you still gay? Well I am and wanted to know...
I'm just going to end there for pretty obvious reasons :-P. After it hit me I found out that it was a
guy (his phone voice actually sounds quite feminine
). But after that we talked for hours into the night and I fell straight in love with the guy, not really knowing his real name (go figure). And then eventually I found out:
Kevin Wheatley
I just fell head under heels in love with him, but he was still in the closet (I guess he saw all of the crap I've gotten and decided he'd rather stay in, I can't blame him). Arrgh. I was left with just to surpress these feelings of being with him and seeing him everyday from day to day. Food tasted better, homophobes seemed nicer, the air had a heavenly taste of coffee on it; I was in love like hell. The only thing I regret is not knowing what was to come...
Well, I couldnt hold it in forever. I told some of the people that patronyse me about being their friends and forgot about it. The only thing was that they wouldnt forget - they would have held it in their own mind forever to tell everybody of my secrets
As you can imagine, I stayed home from school the next day. All I did was watch the handey dandey AS tapes I had in store and wish that what happenned never had. Later I called him and wished that he wouldn't scream or yell as I begged for forgiveness, but I swallowed hard and hoped that he wouldn't notice a thing.
Well, I hung up before him, but I still got depressed and sad a lot. I thought he would have hated me a lot more than he really did; two weeks later he acted as if nothing had happenned. But the past climbed up and bit me in the ass -- that most 'trusted' patronyser accquantiance told the councelor about it. Not only that, but she talked to Kevin and told everything that she squeezed out of me.
I didn't know this yet, but I remember being asked if I "asked Kevin Wheatley to the movies" and wishing I were dead, enough for them to take it as a 'yes.' That night I called him to ask what he
would do if somebody found out about us, but as soon as he found it was me on the phone I got the response "don't call me"
__
Hell.
The most wretched feelings of all this hate toward me and the fall coming in like hell. The darkness of every day was enough to make me wish that I were dead, and the social rejection didn't end when people found of me and Kevin. All of his friends defended his "heterosexuality" even though he wore purple hair and nets on his legs
.
So I was trapped in school every single day with all of the homophobes seeming to get heavier and more offensive than ever, making every last moment of my life the worst in a million holocausts. I sereously decided that my life or his should not go so long in a mourning hell.
But that's not what his side was. He was surrounded by people that would die for him and left me to sit away from humans and wait to die. I did nothing in reality than stay home and watch Cowboy Bebop thinking
It's really is a dream... HM was my escape from reality. Hell was this life of only staying home and watching AS for that little light in my eyes.
Fast forward to really dramatic hell for a year and what do you get? My future Auto Bio,
Sofisticadedd Insanitie. Eventually Kevin tooke moi back and I'm happy now seeing him every other day at lunch and on the internet every so often - I think he doesnt know what kind of escape from reality the i net can be for the anti social
.
. I could only record AS tonight, but I could still see what it was all about 
. But I thought I should take it anyways. By the time it was on I was absolutely amazed at what it was - how the dialouge had gone sooo well as if in real life, how the animation was so originally thier own, and how some kid who looked only 11 sounded like a 30 year old 
. But now that the whole nights gone with me writing like hell on both boards my writing high is over 